Inspired by a scared straight article about clutter, this morning I went on a cleaning frenzy. I was engrossed in sorting the childrens books when Ethan appeared next to me. In his hands he held an offering of a yellow highlighter straight out in front of him. He looked so quilty that I immediately knew something was damaged. I grabbed the pen and rushed into the other room, demanding the kids to tell me what was done with the highlighter.
All three pointed at a book that now had important pictures highlighted in yellow. When I asked who did the scribbles Ethan pointed to Austin and shouted, "Austin did it!" Austin pointed at Alaina and shouted, "Alaina did it!" Alaina pointed back at Ethan and shouted, "Ethan did it!" Ahhh, the classic three-way stand-off. Seeing how the damage was pretty minimal I feinted a very upset and disappointed face and insisted that all three sit on time-out for the crime. After a good 5 minutes I later I walked back to talk to the kids.
I was feeling pretty good about myself. The kids weren't too naughty, and yet I was able to teach a good lesson about being honest and not drawing with a pen on anything but paper. In this manner of thinking, I approached Alaina first. I explained to them how important it was to take responsibility for their actions and not just blame the person next to them. "So, why are you on time-out, Lainy?" In quiet, repentant voice she says, "Because I drew on the book with a pen." (Ah-ha! The true culprit comes out) I turn to Austin, ready to chastise him for lying and say, "And why are you on time out?" Austin quietly says, "Because I drew on the TV." What!!!!??? This has taken me by surprise and I rush over to see the damage. There it is...writing all over the new TV. Thankfully, it wipes off without too much trouble. Finally I approach Ethan and a little uneasily ask, "And why are you on time-out?" Ethan is catching on to this honesty thing and happily blurts out, "Because I drew on the wall." WHAT!!!! Sure enough, there it was. The main problem was that I had already disciplined them and really had no where to go with all these sudden discoveries. "OK...then. Um. I accept your apologies. I guess." Serves me right for leaving them alone for 5 minutes.

And now I dedicate the rest of this blog to the different faces of Laina. Why? Because it is my blog and I can do whatever I want. Just try and stop me....he he he (that was a wicked laugh, so you know)

I wasn't going to talk about this to anyone, but since it will be plastered all over the 6 o'clock news tonight, I thought I should be the one to break it to you all first. After a morning of physical abuse, I decided I couldn't take it anymore and I sent my Austin to the slammer. It all started this morning when I was trying to show the kids how cool it was to fall asleep in a sunbeam. I laid down and stretched out like a cat and told everyone to come and join me. I guess I made it sound very exciting because Austin became so full of enthusiasm that he started jumping up and down. For his grand finale he hurled his full sippy cup straight at my face. If anyone of you have seen my boy throw...you'll know he has a very impressive arm. This was no exception. And there was no hesitation...the boy just pulled back and let it go. I had no time for any type of reaction since he was only 2 feet away from my head. The corner of the cup smashed into my cheek and was so painful I couldn't help the tears from coming for a couple of minutes. This of course scared the kids and I got many many kisses to make up for the pain. A very big welt formed immediately on my check and even a day later I can hardly touch any part of my cheek. So, you all see the predicament I was in. Do I let this type of abuse continue? Christy Jones says NO! I immediately dragged him off to central booking. Jail time is the only answer for such an out-of-control child. Yes, human interest groups of all types are protesting my decision, but enough is enough. Here is his booking photo. He has already assimilated to prison life and is currently going by the name, "Bull Dog." Named primarily for that scrunchy face he used in his mug shot.


Ethan and Alaina saw what was happening and the went out on the lam before I could stop them. The two are still AWOL...but here are some previous mug shots of them, in case you see them around. Please help bring these criminals to justice and call America's Most wanted if you spot them. Do not approach them as they are all very dangerous and may be armed with sippy cups or balls.

Ethan goes by the Alias, "Mad Max" in regard to his penchant of riding his trike through the neighborhood like a little hellion. He was turned in for breaking the toddler speed limit and several noise violations. He's charming but speedy...beware.


And lastly the worst of the bunch...Alaina. She was previously turned in by the fashion police. They have had enough of her crazy hair and her insane outfits she likes to put together. She can blend into society like a chameleon...and will never be found, especially if she finds her way into a group of teenage girls. Her ability to talk non-stop and her innate stubbornness will allow her to fit right in. She goes by the alias, "Crazy Lane"

It is a sad place in life to have to turn to the law for such young and impressionable ankle-biters. And to think...my own children! Sad or not...I am compelled to follow the laws of the land. Please help capture these little fugitives before nap time.

Today is Sunday.
That is the first line in every single one of my journal entries I wrote as a girl. I guess there are only so many good Sunday activities out there. But I digress. Today actually is Sunday and we had one of our many exciting/challenging Sacrament meetings with the little monsters. They had been on pretty good behavior throughout the majority of the meeting and with only minutes to go, I thought we were home-free.
And then I saw him walking up towards the pulpit.
We haven't seen the guy since the ward Christmas party, and although he is a very nice older gentleman, I was really hoping that Ethan wouldn't look up and see him. Of course, Ethan did look up and I watched as the recognition slowly worked its way across his face. His eyebrows furrowed together as he looked closer at the man's face. The second it all came together Ethan's face completely lit up as he blurted out, "It's SANTA! He's back from the North Pole!" Yes...it was our Christmas Party Santa. And even a month later, he looks just the same. White hair, full beard, sparkling eyes, red cheeks and red suspenders to boot. We could not contain Ethan's excitement as we watched him return to his seat. Over and over Ethan pointed and said, "I can't believe it! Santa came BACK! It's SANTA! Back from the North Pole" We tried to tell him different little lies, like, "That's just a guy who looks like Santa." or "That's Santa's friend." But Ethan would not be fooled. He knows what he knows...and he knows that Santa lives in our ward.
After the meeting Ethan ran over to see Santa up close. As soon as he looked up to our jolly brother, all his bravado escaped him and he just stared up in complete adoration. Santa reached down and took his hand and asked him how he was doing. I actually think Ethan stopped breathing for a few seconds. It was a sight to see. The towering 6'4" old, broad shouldered trucker (his cover identity, I'm sure) hunched over holding the hand of a red cheeked, wide-eyed child. For a second I was sure I saw some kind of magic pass between those two. Ethan remained mesmerized as Santa carried on a brief conversation with him, mostly centered on how handsome and good Ethan was.
And then, with a twinkle in his eye, Santa straightened up, smiled and took his leave. Ethan watched him go until he was lost in the crowd then slowly looked at me with a "told ya so" look plastered all over his face.
So. Now you know what he does on his off season.
Robert said that since he left town well before Christmas and didn't get back until just now, he isn't too sure that it isn't Santa after all. "You know, he'd need a good month to recuperate after delivering all those presents," he whispered as we walked off to our class. Say no more...I'm already convinced.