I am so proud of this young man. He has had so many obstacles to overcome and so many challenges to face, both with the circumstances he has found himself in, as well as his own demons inside. Ethan's battles are fought everyday, and there will always be some days that he is not the victor. But there have been many more days that he has been. When I look at this warrior, with his unseen battle scars marking his confidence and self-worth, I see the whole picture. I see all the many, many steps forward he has taken. The hard-earned achievements and all the times he has picked himself up after hitting that rock bottom. Rising once is an accomplishment for anyone. Rising over and over again, especially when you know the chances of falling again are so high, is a triumph.
Ethan has taught me to look at life with the perceptive of the long game. So many times when Ethan was little, I had watched him struggle with things that came so easily to so many other children. It was hard not to look through my myopic vision and see only mile-stone stumbling blocks that was currently in front of me. But, when I took a few steps back and looked at the progress Ethan had made, progress that a year before I had wondered if he could possibly ever achieve, I was able to feel pride well up inside of me for my little son. How lucky we are that our value isn't based on other's success and talents, or our success on some arbitrary time-line.
Ethan is, and always has been, invaluable to me. I am excited, nervous, worried, and hopeful for his future. As he is approaching the last few months before he leaves home and starts a new path at JobCorp, (I am now writing this May 2021) I hope that we were able to give him enough skills and knowledge to find his way. Even if his road forward is a bumpy one, (as all of our roads tend to be) I will never forget just how this little boy of mine has grown into the man he is today.
Little Boys' Quotes and Stories.
During our writing time, Emmett was writing with a pen that was too light to read easily. When I told him to pick a different pen color for writing his assignment, he groaned and said, "You ruined my life, Mama...like seriously, ruined my life!" Not dramatic at all.
I heard some ruckus in the boys room and then Jason started screaming. When I got in the room, Jason came out saying that Emmett had been hitting him with a (plastic) stick. When I talked to Emmett, he said, "I just got so mad that I lost my temper!" I countered with "Remember the last time you got so mad, and I talked to you about sometimes having a storm inside that you need to try and control?" See how I did that? I referred back to my last parenting moment where I totally succeeded in helping Emmett recognize, analyze and change his behavior. Speaking in metaphors is exactly what kids like Emmett understand. In response to my moment of brillance, Emmett rolled his eyes at me and said, "Ugh! Mom! I already discussed this! I don't have an actual storm inside of me!" He then turned over and ignored me. Conversation closed.
During our unit on Georgia, we read the "A-Z Appalachian" book. The book had a real mountaineer, pioneering vibe placed in early America. It didn't think I needed to pre-read it. I mean, how bad could it be? It was written in the 70's. Most of the letters were quite harmless; G for Grits, H for Holler (a neighborhood up a valley.) However, when we got to U, things took a turn for the interesting. U is for the Undertaker. And for Uhhhh. Which is what I managed to say. Then I quickly glossed over my surprise with a very brief description of an undertaker. A man who transports a body to the graveyard to be buried...hurry, turn the page...nope.
EM. I dont want to be buried in the ground.
Jason - I want to be buried under my house.
Em - I don't want the ground because when I come back alive, I'll be under the ground with all the bugs.
Me - Oh, your mean, when you are resurrected? (Naturally, Emmett would visualize this. I continued to try to push past the weird conversation.) Oh. I don't think it works like that. I think it is pretty instantaneous...in fact, you probably get a brand new, perfect body.
That probably would have worked for Jason, but Emmett thought that through.
Em - Oh! Well, if I do get a new body, I'll want to go and dig up my old body. Then I'll cut a hole in it and wear my old body like a costume. Then I'll just wrap the skin around me and it will look like I am in my old body.
Me - Hmmm. Let's see...V. V is for...
Somethings are better left un-dealt with.
After Jason got in trouble, I saw him writing something down. When I asked about it, Jason said, "I'm just trying to put my feelings onto paper."
"That's a good idea. " I told him.
Jason - "Yeah I heard it on a tv show."
Me - "Is it helping?"
Jason - "Nope...I still feel sad."
I have three boys who all struggle communicating things like frustation, anger, and sadness. For them it all comes out in a jumble of fury, clenched fists and yelling. And then, there is Jason. He is always a bundle of emotion...so much so, that he constantly gets on his siblings' nerves. Not only is he made of emotion, he will articulate each and every one pretty profusely. This really tips my 'actually crowd over the edge, and I must admit, it gets pretty overboard for me as well. However, there is something to be said about having one child where I know exactly what they are thinking and feeling at any given moment.
When we stayed and helped Lora out in Florida, my kids got to spend a lot of time with their cousins. They also got to experience what it was like to have two moms for awhile. Lora had a couple of interesting moments with old Jason:
Jason was in the tub, splashing water around. When Lora tried to chide him, he closed his eyes and went under the water. When he emerged, she tried again, and down he went again. The next time he surfaced he got a stern talking to. Lora told him that there was two rules that she doesn't allow her kids to do in the bath 1. Going under when she was talking, and 2. closing their eyes when she is trying to get them out.
Without missing a beat, Jason says, "Well, I'm about to do both of them" And then he did. It was not pretty when he came up for air.
Another time Lora was trying to get Jason to pick up his clothes. Jason wasn't getting it done, so she made a reference to Jojo, how had also not picked up his clothes and as a result had missed out on a swimming time. To emphasis the missed opportunity she said, "You know what will happen if you go down this road..." Jason wasn't convinced and said, "I'm going to go down that road." Trying a new tactic, Lora said, "I think you want a cookie...You'll lose that too..." Jason, a littled miffed mutters the classic, "You can't get me in trouble. You aren't my family." With the cool practice of a seasoned Mom, Lora lowered her voice into that pleasant, but very dangerous, mom-voice. "Oh. Yes, I can," was all she said. Immediately realizing his mistake, Jason quickly changed his tune with his repentant reply. "Oh. I meant, I was going to go down the GOOD road."